The ABC's of ex-girlfriends
- A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your
ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for
you, you twit, she was only after your money and could
have given a shit about you.
- B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope
things between them do work out. I hope they get married
and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get
HUGE and his eyebrows finally grow completely together
and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
- C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.
- D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
- E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took
her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you
could take her to a nice place because you were able to
afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate
more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the
one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the
bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she
wonders why you were unable to call her that week and
see a movie.
- F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be.
As if you can even stand to look at her.
- G is for Gun. And yes, there is a waiting period.
- H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and
even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
- I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will,
unless she calls me and offers me favors.
- J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't
Jim have a nice car? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why
does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much
better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
- K stands for Kill.
- L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists
between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
- L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are
the last people that actually believe in love.
- M stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she
worked for.
- N stands for Necrophiliac. She didn't move very
much, did she?
- O is for On top. When on top she has another O
word.
- P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is
now suing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
- Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.
- R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I
paid for it.
- S stands for Stab. Stabbing would be fun.
- S is also for Steve. Steve was the guy that was
sleeping with her. Steve is a bad person. Perhaps you
should stab Steve.
- T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured
you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies. She
even tortured you with whips and hand-cuffs.
- U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that fucking
bitch is an understatement.
- V is for Voluptuous. That is the primary reason you
were dating her in the first place.
- W stands for Wine. Wine is expensive. She loved
wine. She got drunk awfully slow though. After too much
wine she liked to fuck. But after too much of it she puked;
that is, from the wine. Not the activity.
- X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for
xylophone.
- Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled
that at you.
- Z is for zero. Because zero is how much she really cared about
you after she met what S stands for.
- . stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late,
because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It
also means you won't get any for a week.